23.6.17
Underneath
On the surface, everything looked ordinary. The boy in the boat was bored. He had lived beside this boring river with his boring family for his whole boring life. Nothing unexpected ever seemed to happen to him. He often went to bed at night and wished for something exciting in his life.
Little did he know, underneath the ground he walked on his boat and rowed to a marvellous,mysterious and magical river.
A couple of hours later he felt a hole in the bottom of his boat what was that he thought, OH NO a shark has bitten my boat it is going to sink, he quickly jumped out of the boat and swam so fast he was like a car on a race track. He screamed so hard and know one heard him so he screamed again and this time someone heard him. So they went searching and a couple of hours later they found him little did he know it was his Grandma in her massive boat. He shouted, “ Grandma Grandma please help me,” Grandma laughed,” don't worry dear I am coming.” so she picked him up onto her marvellous boat and took him back to his side of the river he was so happy to see his family
Feedback: The story is well written and captivating and I like the use of language features and similes
ReplyDeleteFeedforward: Maybe describe the story a bit more.
Hey Jess.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your story.
You have added some Technical words.
I think you need to work on Capital Letters after full-stops.
Chyna
Oamaru Intermediate School
Room 6